I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
