Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
