im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
