i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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