A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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