I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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