I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
