sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
