this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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