He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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