I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
