u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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