I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
