dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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