Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize