True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
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and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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