She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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