The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
