Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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