I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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