I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
