He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
