In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
