Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
