no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
