I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
