It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
