so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
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