yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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