so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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