The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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