sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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