He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
