I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
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I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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