did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I want a musical about memes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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