Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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