Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
