his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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