She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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