he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
