i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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