Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
