My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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