I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
