I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The Olympian is in my bed
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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