Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
