I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You don't make any sense
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