sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
