Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
