Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I love having hate sex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
