so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
