That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
