I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
