so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
