I wish my penis had an off switch
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
