A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He did a backflip because drugs
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
