C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
