I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
