Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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