Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
