hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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