This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
