I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
