Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
