this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
