you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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