The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
