I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
