he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
