i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
