My liver just broke up with me...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
