Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
