i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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