He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
